In a Nutshell

Where do I even begin???? It's been a whole month since I've blogged. So much has happened. Ok. Hmmmm. Ok. Let me just start by saying that tonight I started reading: "It's Called a Breakup Becuase It's Broken. Ugh. Actually, no. I shouldn't say "ugh." I'm fine. I'm feeling pretty high spirited, actually, considering this mess I've gotten myself into.

So really quickly, Chris was absolutely wonderful at first. Perfect. He consistently adored me and showered me with compliments and affection, which was all pretty new to me. It was great. Fabulous, in fact. And I was really attracted to him from day one. Amazing sex, too. Amazing. Best ever, maybe. I was picking up on some red flag type things right away, but thought that I was looking too hard for a problem, so I let them all slide. Girls? We all know not to do this, ever, right? Yes, we do. Anyway, on another note it was a little weird that he knew Adam, and it was even weirder the first time we ran into Adam, but that ended up to be fine. They were excited to see each other and exchanged hugs and chatted it up for a while and exchanged nice words about what a great gal I am, etc. It was fine. The thing that totally sucked about bumping into Adam when I was with Chris was that I would look at Adam and think: he's so cute! and geez, I really miss him and oh - he's so fun! And everyone else would rag on Adam when he would walk away, I guess because they thought that's what I needed to hear. In actuality, that was offending me. I wanted to stick up for him, but Chris would be suspicious if I did that, so I never did.

So two weeks after I got home from my trip to Massachusetts, which was also 2 weeks after Chris and I got more serious, there was a big camping trip for a friend's bday and Adam was going to be there. This meant Chris couldn't go. Adam and I had a little agreement that we wouldn't bring our "dates" to any mutual friends' get togethers for at least a month, and we both were respecting that. The month ended up to be over just after this camping trip. At first I wasn't even going to go because I didn't want it to be too weird with Chris, but then when I saw Adam out and Chris went to the bathroom, Adam whispered to me: "I'm excited to have time with you next weekend, I think we could use it." That's when I decided that I really did want to go, even if Chris was going to be mad. I started to get all rebellious about it, actually. Like - fuck that! He can't tell me what to do! So that helped push me into going. Other than that, Lynette (it was her husbands bday camping trip) would have never forgiven me if I bailed on it. So camping I go. It was such a funnnnnnnnnn weekend. We were in the middle of nowhere, no cell service, no stores, no electricity, no bathrooms. Nothing. It was awesome. I'm not sure I've ever really roughed it like that. It's no Pine Acres, if ya know what I mean. So anyway, great (!) weekend. Perfect. The first night Adam, Ryan (another guy friend), and I sat by the camp fire til 3am just chatting and laughing and having a good ole time. Everyone else (there were 10 of us total) went to bed hours earlier. When it was time for bed, it got awkward for a minute because I wasn't thrilled about sleeping alone in my tent in the wilderness, but it passed (due to consumed alcohol, I'm assuming) quickly. The next morning I was the first one up, just the way I like it, and I snuck quietly out of my tent, cleaned up the mess from the night before and sat by the fire (not lit) and read my book as people slowly started poking their heads out of their tents. We all got up and cooked a big breakfast and then we went white water rafting (more like floating) for 7 hours. Such a beautiful area, such a delightful day. Seriously. Adam and I were on the same boat, and we just had such a nice time. Mostly quiet. The whole boat, just taking in the beauty around us. We saw hawks, beavers, and all kinds of spectacular and breath taking views. Then we did the same thing that night, all crowded around the camp fire, Myles playing his guitar and all of us singing, only this time I was the first one to go to bed. Adam snuck down to my tent and sat right outside my unzipped door and we talked. I cried. It wasn't really dramatic or anything, but we just talked about lots of stuff. Mostly how strange it was to be there, camping with our friends, and getting along so well and having such a wonderful time and then realizing that we're totally broken up. Even with other people, both of us. A sad realization when you're in that situation. Like I said, it wasn't dramatic and it didn't turn into any big thing. It was a nice talk. Then he left and went back up to the fire with everyone else (or so I thought) and I went to sleep - not too sad either. I was again, the first to rise and then Adam got up, too and told me that he went to sleep when he left my tent. I was surprised. He is usually the party guy and sleeps the latest. It was seriously like 7am. I wanted to "bathe" in the Colorado River - I was SO dirty! I needed help though - the current was too strong to walk in with all my soap, etc., so Adam came with me. I should note that I kept my swimsuit on the whole time, but it was just so nice. So peaceful. No one but the birds up. We all floated down the river for 5 hours on Sunday and had, yet another, glorious day. It was such a nice weekend. People were making jokes though, I might add, that we got along (Adam and I) better that weekend than the rest of the couples we were with....kinda funny, only not.

Ok, Sunday night. I'm not even super excited to see Chris. Obviously. But because it was such a big deal that I was going on this trip with my ex boyfriend, blah blah blah, I had already promised Chris I would stay at his house the night I got back. Luckily, as soon as I saw him, and as soon as he was SOOOOOOOOO happy to have me back I was fine. I exhaled and all was well. Well, not all (I was still thinking a lot of Adam, but I knew I was doing the right thing. I felt like I was anyway.), but mostly. Ok, so here we are....Chris and Nissa. Hmmm....Is Chris drinking? A lot? Every night? Weird.

Ok, that's the cliff hanger for tonight. I have to go to bed! But I promise to write tomorrow during Wesley's nap! Promise! I brought my laptop, especially for you! (not proof reading, ps)