Where do I even begin!?!?!?

Ok, let's start by saying I have good days and bad days with this break up. Today is a pretty good day, so far (it's not even 11am). Yesterday was a terrible terrible day! I woke up crying and continued crying until I got to my mom's house at 3pm. It really helped to be around my family and I stayed there until 8pm, when I had to get Wesley home for bed. Luckily, Wesley was a good little boy all day long and he helped me smile through my tears. Even Calvin was saying: "Auntie, what's wrong? Don't cry, Auntie." Very sweet, but also a little embarrassing. Haha. Oh well. The tears have dried for now. I'm just still so torn that Adam is seeing someone else. Wait...did I tell you guys that yet? I can't even remember my last blog entry! Anyway, yes...Adam's seeing a 21 year old virgin who doesn't smoke pot. On the one hand, it's good. Great, in fact, because she will keep us from getting back together - I called him 2 nights ago and he said he couldn't come over to my house because he felt like he would be cheating on her. Weird. That's what started the tears and why they continued on through yesterday. I just didn't think that in 2 weeks he'd be building on a relationship like he is. But I'm better today - realizing more and more each minute that this is what needs to happen - the bridges need to be completely burned down so that we're not going back and forth anymore, and I think that's what's happening now. Burn baby, burn!! I have a birthday party to go to on Friday night for Artis (a mutual friend) and I'm sure he'll be there - what if he brings her? He won't. But what if he does?!?!? That will be a total disaster. We'll cross that bridge when we get there. In the mean time...

I've updated my match profile. I need a distraction - not a boyfriend - just a distraction. Belle and Wesley combined aren't serving as enough of a distraction, so here comes dating I guess. I'm a little nervous - kind of nervous that I'll just start bawling in the middle of a date! Ha. Wouldn't that be something! No, no. That won't happen. (positive thinking works, right?) And about this match thing...wouldn't you know it! I've gotten a handful of emails and a bunch of winks in the last 2 days since I updated my profile and they're almost all under 5'5". I don't really want to change my height requirements for a date, but I was kind of looking forward to looking up into my dates eyes, as opposed to down into his eyes. Haha. Oh well...I refuse to discriminate on height and weight. So far. We'll see.

On another note, a great opportunity might be headed my way... A good friend of mine has a friend who is a nanny in LA, for 2 famous people (I don't want to put their names, because what if they google their own names and find this blog??? I don't want that to happen.). This particular nanny in LA is leaving her job in 4 weeks and called my friend here and asked her for my number...she is trying to help her bosses look for a replacement and supposedly I should be getting a phone call any minute! How GREAT would that be?!?!?!? 4 weeks isn't very long to tie up ALL my shit here though, but I would SO figure out a way to do it. I love Wesley and I would really miss him but COME ON! It sounds so amazing! I would (hopefully) sell my car, let the people I rent from know that I would be out in 30 days, give my notice at my job and pack my shit and GO! And don't forget...my great friend, Alex, is a nanny in Santa Barbara so we wouldn't be too far from each other...fun fun fun! I have NO idea what this job is all about. None. All I know is that nannying is involved and it is in LA. Seriously - 2 half time jobs could not be so great. Does part time mean that I wouldn't get all the great benefits that a full time nanny would get? But it IS that one really funny actor and also that one singer who has been around forever...they MUST take care of their nannies, right?!?! I guess I just have to hope for the best and wait to hear from them, I hate the waiting place...it's a most useless space...(name that book). If the money was right, I would seriously work around the clock for a while. I haven't really worked my butt off in a longgggg time and I could get all my bills paid off and enjoy no time to think for a while. Yes - I would SO love working my butt off around the clock, living in a new place that I've never even visited(!!!!), and making a little extra cash to get caught up on my debt. I really don't have much debt, but enough that it hangs over my head more days than it doesn't. I guess if this job doesn't pan out I could always just hit up an agency in that neck of the woods and see what's out there, huh? Well, I'll wait a little while before I do that, but it's at least an option. Wish me luck!!!!