I guess it will have to go like this:

I don't quite know how to do more than one photo and caption it. I'll have to do separate posts. Ok... This is Belle! My favorite girl, my sanity. Love her!

Nevermind

That was dumb. Who wants to scroll all the way down? Not me. Ok, so just scroll down a little and you'll see Ben - the stallion that had his semen shipped last week. Other than that, here are the other pics I want to share with you.

Above is the picture I took of myself tonight to send to Mikie.

Now that I have a new camera...

I'm going to add some more pics. Scroll down and look at the pics that I added to the blogs. FUNNNN!

So.... Mikie!

This is just a tiny little tidbit. Do you think I might be crushing on my old friend Mikie?!?!? Is that why it feels so easy to leave Adam right now? Hmmm. My dad brought it up today - well he actually said: "Mikie probably has his eye on you, Missy." Truth be told (as if you that know me didn't already know) it crossed my mind too! I know - single for 90 days. Does that have to start over again or can I pick up from where it started a little while back? I think it shouldn't count that I got back with Adam because really it wasn't like having a boyfriend???? Plus, we only had sex a couple of times. Doesn't count. It's my game and it doesn't count. I make the rules. Ok. So... Mikie! So Julie sent me a msg today: "Is he hot or not? I can't tell." Oh come on, Jul. You know he's not hot in those myspace pics. And so just like I told her, I'll tell you - judging by how Mikie looked last time I saw him (over 15 years ago) he would be a cutie! But not in the myspace pics. I was so bummed. But whatever. We're old pals, no big deal. So tonight I'm chatting with Mikie and we both got new cameras, coincidentally. I told him: "Take a picture RIGHT NOW and send it to me." So we both did that. And there he was! The old Mikie face staring at me on my computer screen. The face I remember and so cute. I think he's SO cute. I was like - um, WHY on earth do you have those pictures up on myspace!?!??!?!?! You're YOU! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. We got a good laugh out of it. So let me try to post his pic here. I have never done this, so let me try this.

And so the story goes...

I'm single. Again. It feels good. For now. Let me just give you the lowdown on the week, first.

I was out of town for 5 days and got back to Colorado on Tuesday night. (Side note: I reluctantly had Adam drop me off at the airport because I didn't want him to use my car while I was gone. He is SO hard on my car - all cars, actually.) So anyway, he picked me up because he had my car. He was his cute little self (gag) standing at the top of the escalator with roses (he's done that before and it doesn't impress me, because I always know I'm sooooo close to being disappointed by something anyway). Ok, fine. Roses, blah. So I smiled and hugged and kissed hello and then we went and got my luggage and went down to my car. AAAAAAAAAHHHH! I called Adam TWICE that day to remind him to PLEASE clean out my car and fill it with gas (since it was full when I left). I explained to him on the phone that those little things REALLY irritate me, and to please please just do that. Not wash it, just clean your shit out of it, please! Sure, he said. Over and over. Ugh. Obviously - if you know Adam - the car was a filth pit. It had cups and water bottles, straw wrappers, cigarette wrappers, trash, trash and more trash. And on top of that it barely had ANY gas in it AND he said: "Was this already broken?" As he held up the now hanging center console/arm rest. Um, no. It's SO frustrating!!! So the big thing is that I spent about $200 less than a month ago getting little odds and ends fixed on my car so that it would feel like the nice car that it is, rather than the piece of shit that it had turned into. I was really enjoying having my car to myself, all nice and neat again. So now it's a dump again! I paid just over $20,000 for that car - that's A LOT Of money to pay out of my pocket and it bums me out to have it be so shitty. So anyway, that's when the frustration began. And then we get to my house and he has to go to work - ok, fine. Even though he told me he had the entire night to spend with me. Fine. So that was Tuesday. Then last night he called me at 8:30pmish (much to my surprise, actually). He said he wanted to spend some time with me since Tuesday had been a bust. I was at dinner with Joy and Debra and said I'd call him when I was done. I didn't. I don't now why, I just didn't. I wasn't expecting to see him anyway and I always feel like he does things (like spend time with me) out of guilt, so I just didn't call him. He eventually called at about 9:30 or 10pm. Still saying he wanted to see me, but then in the next breath he said: it's really busy out tonight so I'm going to go to the mall. In our lingo, that means to work. Ok, fine. I wasn't expecting much effort on his part anyway, no big deal. So then I called him at like 11:30 and it was so loud - I asked where he was..."The Walrus, with Seth." Hmmmm. Weird. Ok, fine. So that was his last night off until Monday, since Thursday starts his work week. So tonight he calls (for the first time all day) at about 7:30pm. He says - "I'd like to see you. I'm going to Denver to see a dj, you wanna come?" Um, no. But thanks. (me) "I thought you had to work????" (adam) "No, I got the night off" (me) "Oh. Well I have to work at 9 and honestly I have no desire to go to a club in Denver. It's weird to me that you went to the Walrus last night after having not seen me for 5 days (other than the hour on the way home from the airport) and tonight you got the night off to go to Denver to a club." And so it began.

That's really all the rehashing I feel like doing. Let's just say that last night I told Adam that it had always been my mind telling me to move on and I finally am starting to hear my heart chime in and get on the same team as my mind. So after last night and then this tonight, I just felt done. Yes, again. But hey - who cares if it's happened before? It's bound to stick sooner or later. It helps (as I told him tonight) that I've totally untangled my life from his - I feel so NOT intertwined anymore! FUNNNN! So fun and it feels so freeing. I haven't talked to his mom in forever. Or his brother for that matter. I ran into Rob the other night and it was a courtesy hug - sad because we were pretty good friends, but it just can't be. Too sticky. Whateva. And his mom called me and left me a msg yesterday (side note: she's always the first person to call me for the day and even if it's noon it still really bugs me! get off my case, lady!): (her) "Hi Nissa. Hope you had a nice trip. Could you give me a call, please? I have a quick question." So, reluctantly, I did. And it went like this: (her) "Hi Nissa. How are you, dear? (me) "Good. you?" (her) "Good trip?" (me) "Yep." (her) "Have you seen Adam yet?" (me) "Yep. He picked me up." (her) "How was that?" (me) "Fine." (her) "Everything cool?" (me) "Yep. Fine." (her) "Ok, dear. Maybe I'll see you sometime soon???" (me) "Maybe. What was the question you had to ask me?" (her) "Oh, it was nothing. I figured it out already." !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is she serious?!?!? Did she really lie on my voicemail so I'd call her back?? Yep. This from a lady who blocks out her phone number when she calls if she thinks I won't answer it. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! So, yes. I've detached from his family. And I'm in touch with 2 friends that I met through him, but I'm not worried about that. They never see him anyway, and at this point they're my friends now. I was in their wedding, etc. So....today I am single. May the force be with me.

Before I Hit the Hay...

Hahaha. Sometimes I crack myself up. As I was titling my blog (sometimes it's better to title after the blog is written, but not tonight) and I came up with the one above, I laughed and thought how accidentally clever I can be. I wanted to write to tell you about my day at the ranch and so "Hit the Hay" seemed to fit - even though I didn't mean it to work out like that. Anyway...

Today I started my day out the best way I know how - with Belle. GREAT morning ride. I was the only one around and it was beautiful beautiful beautiful! I rode for a little over an hour and then as I was finishing my time at the ranch, the owner asked me for a little help. She and the vet were collecting semen from one of the stallions and she needed me to lead a mare around to sort of taunt the stallion with all her beauty. Seriously. It was the craziest thing and I was amazed by the whole process. There is this stallion at the ranch named Ben - he is absolutely GORGEOUS! Big huge horse with a long long mane and tail and his presence is very powerful. He is kind of closed off from people and other horses because he is the epitome of a stallion - very dangerous when he gets all worked up and just not all that pleasant. His paddock is completely out of site from the rest of us because he gets SO worked up SO easily and throws such fits. He's always yelling and kicking and biting anything he can. So imagine my surprise when Nicole asks me to go out to the pasture and lead in a mare "in season" - that's just like being in heat. I was a little nervous, needless to say. So I retrieve the mare and lead her into the barn that Ben is in and IMMEDIATELY Ben (now there is a HUGE steal door with slits in it (kind of like prison, only the bottom half is solid and the top half has the bars with spaces - narrow spaces) goes nuts. He starts striking with his front feet and making these very high pitches squeals. Nicole and the vet are right outside his door and Nicole peeks in and says: "He's all the way out!" So the vet and Nicole squeeze in the tiny opening they make with his big steel door and Nicole puts this big chained halter on him and the vet quickly puts this HUGE leather glove type thing over his HUGE penis! Ben is so worked up and distracted by this mare that he doesn't even care what else is going on around him. I'm just outside the door walking the mare back and forth so that her backside is rubbing on his door - Ben is FLIPPING out. It sounds like the big steel door is going to totally come down. Within 30 seconds...SEMEN! More semen than one could ever imagine! I was in absolute SHOCK! Seriously! It was the craziest thing I've witnessed in nature - is that nature? I guess not. It was all very bizarre. So just like that, the vet and Nicole came out of the stall and Nicole will mail off Ben's semen and get LOTS of money for it. Lucky for the mare that she didn't have to actually deal with Ben - he is a BEAST!!!! But a beautiful beast at that.

And the song of the day goes to: Shania Twain. A very thoughful friend of mine made me a mix tape! Ok, it was really a mixed CD, but it just doesn't sound the same as a mix tape. I'm sure it's mixED tape anyway, but no one ever says that. It's kind of like everyone I know saying Reesies Peicies. Um, no. It's Riece's Pieces - as in pieces of Reice's, but no one knows that. Anyway, it's a great CD for me right now. Lots of GREAT songs about breaking up, being single, loving it and hating it. It covers all the bases, that's for sure. Anyway, there's a song by Shania Twain that talks about her boyfriend who is SO bad for her and his response to his bad habits is: "I ain't no quitter." Very fun song. So here it is, folks:

he drinks-he smokes
he'll cuss-he swears-he tells bad jokes
yeah,he ropes-he rides
he lives life fast, and he loves to fight
he's a boozer-a loser
he calls me up when he's had too much
a scheemer-a dreamer
(bridge:)
when i tell him to change his ways
he just turns to me and says
'i aint no quitter'
(chorus:)
no, i aint givin up on him just yet
cause im as stubborn as a girl can get
he wont quit-but you can bet
im stickin to it
i-aint-i aint no quitter

he chews-he spits
[I Ain't No Quitter lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

he flirts too much,and he loves blonde chicks
he struts-he strolls
he looks so cool, and yeah, he knows
he's a beautie - cutie
his body rocks, and the girls they flock
he's afflicted-addicted

(bridge)

no,i aint givin up on him just yet
cause im as stubborn as a girl can get
no, i aint givin up on him just yet
cause im as stubborn as a girl can get
he wont quit-but you can bet
im stickin to it
i-aint-i aint no quitter
i-aint-i aint no quitter
oh baby, i-aint-i aint no quitter
yeah I ain't no quitter yeah yeah yeah I ain't noooooo quitta

By the way, I would NEVER tell Adam about this song. I can hear it now - that'll be his new favorite phrase or comeback.

Please...Don't Make This Even Harder!

Tonight I was talking to a friend on the phone (kind of late - 10:30pmish) about knowing what needs to be done (about my relationship with Adam) and I went on and on about knowing that it's not going to change or get any better blah blah blah...we've all heard it before. And wouldn't you know it... within 5 minutes, there he was. At the door, clean and shaven (unusual for him these days), black eye faded muchly, nice(ish) clothes on, and my favorite take out from the Cheesecake Factory, and the biggest smile. "Hi, Baby. I thought we could have dinner together and maybe watch a movie." Aw. That's all I can say. Aw. Totally unexpected. I've never said he's not sweet, because he is. He really is. But it doesn't change the way I feel. I still know. I still will. When? Not sure. Maybe right before Mikie comes to see me!!!! FUNNNN! Only because he'll be staying at my house and we'll be having such a fun visit (catching up and all since it's been 15 years (at least) and I know I won't give in and call Adam while Mikie is here!) More on that later. I'm tired and I'm going to bed. I'm going riding bright and early! Belle is better! I had my first ride with her today since she went lame a couple of weeks ago! GREAT RIDE! I needed it! Whew!

Sing it Leann!

How do I,
Get through the night without you?
If I had to live without you,
What kind of life would that be?

Honestly, I'm not feeling nearly as pathetic as this song implies. But I do ask myself those questions.